five thousand shades of blue
Wednesday, December 20, 2000
This morning it is morbidly grey out, like the sun only got half way up the sky before saying, "Ah screw it, I've gone far enough." The pressure of the incoming storm is doing funky things to my head and consequently it hurts big time. I miss my family (as I usually do this time of year, even more so than day-to-day); I don't have the extra money to lavish gifts upon my loved ones as I would like -- and that makes me feel terribly, terribly guilty. The holidays are not about giving or getting, but appreciating what you've got. I know that rationally. But I also love giving things to the people who mean most to me, and not being able to do that hurts.
I haven't even gotten any cards sent. I am a bad person.
I'm looking forward to Solstice mainly for the sun-return. I think a lot of my problems with feeling so down is just light-deprivation. I need to set the full-spectrum bulb on myself for a while, screw the jade plant. :)
is
this just not enough…?
