five thousand shades of blue
Tuesday, October 02, 2001
There are a lot of words flitting about in my head about everything that's going on in my world, but I can't seem to pin them down. I can't express really how hard everything has become; dealing with the distance between my family and myself in a very real and mortal way, dealing with wondering where this month's mortgage is coming from, dealing with residual pain from
my fall on the bus (not to mention having to deal with straightening out the bill for the ER visit that I will refuse to pay for, since the incident was not in any way my fault). I am so tired of the uncertainty, so tired of this awful year 2001, and yet, cannot help but cherish every moment of every day. Imagine waking up, suddenly unable to move or speak, knowing you're dying and not being physically able to say those last words to the people you love. Suddenly sitting up in bed seems like a gift from God.
I know it will get better. It's the middle part that is so hard to bear.
is
this just not enough…?
