five thousand shades of blue

---

I'm much better now...

Even if Blogger did eat my original post, which was much longer and much more entertaining. This'll have to do.

I reread yesterday's and realized what a horrific mood I must have been in. I made it sound like my life sucketh rocks, or that I have no support at all, which is not true. But I did follow my friend Michelle's advice and do stuff last night for ME. Hee.

(Let's have a moment of silence for dear old Radar (Michelle and her husband John's dog) who passed away on Christmas Eve Day at the age of 17.5 years... Then, let's celebrate, because they have found another dog who needed them so badly he managed to reach out to them before they even met him! Welcome, Doppler!)

I've been having good weirdnesses happen to me lately. Besides the ring, I mean, which I still can't explain. One was the amazing recovery last night of a spring (smaller than a ball point pen spring!) that's a crucial component to my watch's ability to speak the time to me. No spring, no closing of the circuit = no sound. I mean, it's amazing that it was still sitting on the Fred Meyer jewelry counter after three hours, after the girl had already vaccuumed for the night. So, all together now, "[Bzzt] ... We got work! ... [run run run run]" <-- look! A footnote! Hover the cursor over it to see witty commentary, if you're using IE! (Thanks Martha!)

Then, this morning, I dreamt that my cat, Rowan, had jumped onto my bed to wake me up. This woke me up for real. I blearily looked at the clock, and realized it was 5:49am. I had set my alarm, but had forgotten to turn it on. That cat's GOOD, waking me up from the first floor (cause that's where I found her). Kitty telepathy.

Also this morning, I was lamenting to myself that we have no orange juice and no idea when our delivery people were bringing more (calling their delivery schedule erratic would be an understatement), when my eye was caught by a case of juice behind the apple juice that was distinctly NOT apple juice coloured. It was more orange juice, after all. :)

Now to find more caffeine.

Dammit, I had a long, cheery one that got lost when trying to post it.

I'll write again in a bit when I'm not quite so annoyed. :P

Rant and curse mode -- Calgon, take me away!

Generally hating life today. I've got a headache that won't go away. I'm so stressed and overworked it's not funny. I feel most of the time like I'm being pulled in a half a dozen directions at once. I feel like people around me expect to know everything and handle everything and GOD, I can't describe to you how much pressure that puts on me.

I take care of a lot of the cafe business (the checkbook, a goddamn lot of the errands, a lot of the technical busywork (the easier stuff that I can handle)). I take care of my own client websites. I take care of running the household (for the most part -- checkbook, bills, keeping the shelves and the fridge stocked). This may not seem like a lot, but it is. I feel like it occupies my life, day in and day out. I feel damn lucky to get a half-hour to watch my favourite show or to take a nap, and even then I feel guilty.

It's times like this I wish I could call in and take a personal day (stay in bed til 1 and watch TV til 5). Ha ha ha ha. And people say owning your own business sets you free. What a laugh.

Anyway.

Regarding my ring turning up, it's downright odd. It had been missing for at least 2 or 3 months. Andra says she checked that jar just last week for quarters, dumping the whole thing out onto the table and putting it back, and didn't see my ring. The ring was sitting on top of the coins when I looked in there yesterday for dimes. Unless Jen put it in there (why she'd do that is beyond me -- if she found it she'd just give it to me, right?), I have no logical explanation for how it got in there. Maybe it's the pookahs.

A hah! It's up!

Sign it's going to be a good day: I found my missing ring!! It was hiding in the jar that we throw our loose change and stuff in. I probably took my ring off when it was bothering me and put it in my pocket... then cleaned out my pockets of change without thinking. But I found it I found it I FOUND IT!

Sign it's going to be a crappy day: I mistakenly dumped a fresh, new pot of coffee this morning. Feh.

Was terribly quiet in here yesterday. I hope things perk up a bit for today...

BTW, Andra got her blood test results and everything returned as dead-average normal. So it's not an infection or an illness or diabetes or anything like that. WHEW!!

Okay, I'm working on an online card for all to see, but it's not ready yet to be live. I'm hoping my friends and family don't hate me for being late.

Nice holiday, absolutely wonderful long weekend with a cat planted on my lap most of the time. I spent very little of it on the computer, except for Friday night (or was it Saturday? The days kind of blur together) when I designed the still-undebuted online card (and that l did on the iBook so I still got to sprawl on the couch). My housemate Jen and I sat and watched the ludicrous yet hilarious South Park movie (in lieu of having the famous "Spirit of Christmas" short) and I was surprised that not one but two men involved with my obsessions of the past had voice roles in that movie: Nick Rhodes (Duran Duran) and Brent Spiner (TNG's Data). Freaky.

Took the time on Sunday to view the best interpretation of Dicken's "A Christmas Carol" that there is, IMHO (the one that aired last year on TNT starring Patrick Stewart (adapted from his amazing one man show)). I think if the time ever comes a time when that movie does not make me cry, I will no longer have a soul and should just end it right there. :) It's a truly powerful redemptive tale and appropriate for any time of year... especially Christmas.

Christmas Eve we went to Marian's for tea and cookies (we opted to have dinner at home instead of there as we usually do on Sunday night, since we'd be there the following night for Christmas dinner). We did do some gift-opening on Christmas Eve (hey, it was MY family tradition!) and I can't decide which I like more, the Xena chakram or the Mongolian phrasebook ("sain bainuu" to you!).

We headed to Marian's early so that we could do the gift exchange there. Good thing we did because with as many of us as there was, it took almost 2 hours to circle the room repeatedly. As is becoming the tradition, we had a veritable Moroccan feast for Christmas dinner; all of us were sprawled on the floor around a giant copper tray heaped with fine food (the best of which is the excellent chicken/egg/phyllo dough/cinnamon/sugar/and lots of other yummy things, called 'basteeya" (sp?)) that you gleefully eat with your fingers, get all over yourself, smacking your lips, and generally feeling a level of decadence unsurpassed by even possibly the Romans. :)

After the gluttony, we sat and watched Cirque du Soleil's Dralion -- those performers are simply NOT HUMAN. Amazing. Following that, a rousing game of Kill Dr. Lucky, then onward to home, and to sleep.

But, alas, sleep was not yet to be. Andra was not (and had not been for about a week) feeling well so we spent an hour (frankly, I'm impressed it wasn't longer) at Urgent Care. All over body aches, and a swelling of some kind on her shoulder. They took blood for a full screen, so I hope that finds the problem. (The swelling is just a harmelss cyst, apparently. Whew!)

I had a fitful night of sleep though, dreaming of having to read a history book and learn and memorize assignments. And all this other weird stressful stuff that is not supposed to happen in your dreams. Feh.

It's a very slow day here today at the cafe though. Most of the city workers have taken the day off and it's so quiet. It's going to be a very low total for today, unfortunately. I say we follow the Canadians' lead and celebrate Boxing Day.

Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends.

Some observations:
1) My braid is long enough to tuck into the waistband of my pants. Dude.
2) The high for yesterday was like, 48 degrees. That's just wrong for December, even for here.
3) I much prefer rain to snow. Barring leaf-clogged sewer grates, accumulation is not nearly as big a problem. (Shocking... it's raining out now.)
4) I have become an awful procrastinator. No cards sent, no on-line greetings conceived, and few gifts bought (mostly out of necessity, as these are not the most fruitful of times).
5) I have to remember to tell Julie about these little chocolate bars they've got at the Kiva called Bug Bites. Tee hee hee.
6) The days are now getting longer. Light deprivation BAD.
7) This pounding is getting really old already. (Construction site for the new public library just kitty-corner to where we are.)
8) Two long weekends in a row can't be bad.
9) Someone needs to invent a transporter, and FAST.
10) This is one gorgeous cat photograph.

Another crazy, long morning dealing with a popped circuit and a defrosted fridge. All is well now. But I ache and am looking forward to sitting in a hot tub.

Busy morning, obviously. This is a good thing. I'm not quite as down as yesterday, though still a bit sad about being away from family. Now the mad crunch is on...

This morning it is morbidly grey out, like the sun only got half way up the sky before saying, "Ah screw it, I've gone far enough." The pressure of the incoming storm is doing funky things to my head and consequently it hurts big time. I miss my family (as I usually do this time of year, even more so than day-to-day); I don't have the extra money to lavish gifts upon my loved ones as I would like -- and that makes me feel terribly, terribly guilty. The holidays are not about giving or getting, but appreciating what you've got. I know that rationally. But I also love giving things to the people who mean most to me, and not being able to do that hurts.

I haven't even gotten any cards sent. I am a bad person.

I'm looking forward to Solstice mainly for the sun-return. I think a lot of my problems with feeling so down is just light-deprivation. I need to set the full-spectrum bulb on myself for a while, screw the jade plant. :)

Tired. Stressed. Holiday blues have taken hold. Not much else to say.

Oh, I should get around to recommending "The Emperor's New Groove", which I saw this weekend. It's hilarious. Best line (funniest in context; so funny I kept laughing for minutes afterwards, but I won't ruin it for you): Bring it on!

Also designed a new website for my SCA group's biggest event (Egil's). It doesn't go live for another two weeks so I'll post the URL then. Got some shopping done as well. Why does it feel like my weekend was a total washout when I know it wasn't?

Every week, I hate Mondays even more. One week 'til Christmas, two weeks left 'til the year's over. Over. And then it's 2001, the space odyssey. Where did the time go? Weren't we all just panicking about the Y2K bug?

This piece of hilarity courtesy of Melanie (darlin', you are a joy to know):



This is a scene in a Christmas window display in Stockholm. Let's let Melanie explain: "However, at least one Åhléns [department store] window dresser has a slightly more sinister sense of Christmas, as can be seen [above]. Since a lot of this depends on the movement of the piece, I have to tell you that Santa's strapped down to a platform and is being menaced by a whirling Christmas tree, while the elves hide out in a corner and giggle."

Enjoy...

Well, after posting that little bit of morbidity, the final straw took the form of being sprayed on my shins and feet with the remains of an empty can of whipped cream that had decided to poke through the garbage bag I was attempting to take out to the trash dumpster. I started to cry.

You should be relieved to hear that retelling this little tale this morning is making me laugh. Looking back on yesterday is like watching a bad John Hughes movie compared to what some people have to go through, like this gentleman, who surely did not have jumping off of a bridge into the Columbia River to escape being hit by a skidding, out-of-control car on his agenda for yesterday (all this after being involved in a multi-car pileup on the bridge).

It's all a matter of perspective, I guess. (Amazingly, this poor fellow lived.)

And hey, today's Friday. Can't be all bad.

Okay. I was wrong. Today is not sucky. No, not merely sucky. Today is a f*cking nightmare. I want to go home, curl under the sheets and tell the world to go to hell, and don't let the door hit its ass on the way out.

I need a vacation. I need serfs. I need a clone to do all of my gruntwork. I need to win the damned lottery. Any multimillionaires out there wanting to sponsor a poor geek girl? weak smile

Today is a majorly, majorly sucky day. It's bleeding in from yesterday. That's when we found out that our ISP changed their billing practices. You're given 150 hours for PPP and 150 hours for shell access; so that every connection you open -- be it dialling in or telnet -- it counts against you EVEN if they're simultaneous. So if I'm dialled in and have 2 telnet windows open, I'm charged 6 hours for being logged in for 2. I mean, really -- time is charged against you for keeping a Unix session -- a mere process -- open? There's got to be something illegal about that. I used to work at a university in their CIS department, setting up accounts, managing quotas. I can't tell you enough how absolutely BOGUS this is. I used to go around trumpeting praises for my ISP; I was a good long standing customer. You'd think I would have heard about this utterly crappy change in policy. No more praises from me. Time to find a new ISP. Actually, if US West / Qwest would get off their asses and upgrade the phone lines in my neighbourhood, I'd just go DSL and be done with it.

There's a slow leak in one of the truck's tires too, and I had to deal with that as well.

Then today. Ahhhh, today. Come in to find a small lake forming in front of the counter. Something is leaking but I can't find exactly where it's coming from. And of course, there are computers, cords, RJ45 cable, you name it, that's all gotta be picked up and moved. I called someone to come and take a look at it. It's just not something I needed today, not at all.

F*ck. I just want to cry. I really do. It's almost the holidays and I haven't accomplished anything. This whole year feels like it's been an utter waste. Sigh.

So I've been thirty a month. Time for a little reflection. Thirty hasn't been much different -- just a subtle shift in mindset, I think. Problems are still problems, good times are still good times, but being thirty means no more screwing around. Thirty means serious-ass adulthood. Responsibility. It's the kind of thing that makes you look at your earlier life wistfully and nostalgically -- but conveniently forgetting all of the crap you have to deal with when you're young.

So it looks like we're going to have another Bush as president. All I'll say is... he better not f**k up, because he is going to be under intense, intense scrutiny. Not just by about half of this country, but by the world. They already think we're a nation of screw-ups for having an election that rivals a third world country's. We'll talk in four years, and, if my personal freedoms have in anyway been restricted, I'll be ready to kick some butt.

No. I'm going to, here and now, raise a call for a FEMALE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE in 2004. Isn't about freaking time??

Ever have the kind of day where driving your truck off the edge of a cliff suddenly doesn't seem like such a bad idea after all? Lawdy. Note to post office clerk: if you can't accept ANY cards, not just CREDIT cards, please make that abundantly clear in your signs! Let me give you a little hint: "Phone lines DOWN! Cash/check only!" ARGH!!!!

I want to go curl up in bed and tell the world to go to hell. It's nearly 5:30, I've accomplished next to nothing this afternoon; what I did accomplish I didn't finish; it's nearly time me to leave to help close up the cafe; and bonus on top of that, it's then time for dinner. I have nothing in mind to make and am not particularly hungry, anyway. All together now: FEH.

Yes, Marla, there are times indeed when taking a break from it all sounds like a spandy idea. I still want serfs for Christmas.

What's keeping me going right now is thoughts of a new episode tonight of Dark Angel...

Just took a look at myself in the mirror of the bathroom. I wonder if my eyes are deceiving me, or if I really have slimmed down a bit... Feels good.

Refinance angst warning...

Okay, so how stupid, illogical and f***ed up is this: the ratio of what's going out compared to what's coming in is too high, so say the mortgage people. This aside from the fact that we're still paying everything, have excellent credit... and refinancing the mortgage will effectively cut what's going out by $300 a month.

Explain to me how this makes sense, 'cause I'm failing to understand.

{primal scream}

Now, this doesn't mean that it's not doable. It just means now we have to find ways to cut the ratio. Since inventing more income is not really an option, we have to find some way to cut down further what's going out. We're gonna talk to Sheila (bless her soul, she's been so helpful) and see if a debt consolidation loan is the way to go. Sigh...

Okay, class, your required reading for the day. Melanie, you're excused from the assignment. *grin*

YAWN...

Why is it that Monday, Tuesday, et al move like molasses, and Saturday/Sunday are over before the blink of an eye? I got a lot done, did some winterizing of the house, and yet, still it felt like it was Sunday night before I knew it. The X-Files are starting to feel like the chimes of doom (as far as what they herald). I'm with Moxy Früvous. Make Friday part of the weekend. :)

OK, I have to share this.

Huh huh.

Today began like a bullet out of the barrel. I roused awake from my bizarre dream about high school and Elizabeth Hurley (don't ask, I don't know either) and realized the clock said 6:48am. Now, for anyone who has been paying attention, you know that I am supposed to be on a 6:30 bus Monday through Friday in order to open the café. Yes. This means I was very, very late.

And had ten minutes, more or less, to catch the next bus.

Those ten minutes are something of a blur. I had to skip over makeup, brushing my hair, even using the *ahem* facilities. Worst of all... no time for breakfast, which means San is going to be a very cranky chica later.

I made it. I had to brush my hair on the bus and put it up (when I looked in the mirror in the bathroom some time after the morning rush, I realized how much of a fright I looked). Fortunately my skin is in relatvely good shape right now, and powder did the trick.

So now things have calmed down a bit. I had a tall double hazelnut latte and some green pills, and am starting to feel a little more human. What happened was, the radio volume got turned way down, and I didn't hear it go off (if I set the alarm to buzzer, it scares the living daylights out of me. Thanks, but I'd rather not start my day with a surge of adrenaline.).

Anyway. I want to apologize if I made anyone think they stumbled into the wrong journal yesterday. I was in a kind of descriptive mood, feeling a bit introspective and yet cynical. I guess I needed to share the one thing that happened yesterday morning that was almost spiritual.

Peace and blessings to Julie and her family. It sounds to me, from her writings, that they lost a very special (and well-loved) lady when Thérèse passed away.

The fog outside this morning was as thick as pea soup, and the air bitterly cold. It's strange and silent to walk to the bus stop at 6:30 am, seeing all of the Christmas lights glowing in the haze, the smell of the air oddly like a steam room, only the air's so very cold. The only sound at that time is that of a passing car, or the wheels of the rollerblading/biking paper carrier. It is ... peaceful.

It's still very foggy, and I'm sure, very cold, as I glance outside from my perch inside the Atrium. There's a chance of snow actually making it to the valley floor on Monday or Tuesday. Temperatures are supposed to keep dropping as well. Time to cover the windows, for sure. Lows in the teens this weekend (at night). It is the kind of weather that makes one want to burrow under a mound of wool blankets and hibernate.

I really need to get to bed earlier. Bleah.

In the spirit of the universally celebrated winter holiday that is rapidly approaching, I offer you this page for perusal: "Pagan Claus". Don't let the title fool you -- it's an excellently researched, scholarly paper on some of the pagan roots of what some Christians/Catholics would have you believe is their holiday (and theirs alone), and some pagans would have you believe was downright 'stolen' from 'their' holiday/s. Take special note of the final few paragraphs on page two. :)

Morning sucks.

Momentary panic attack... no powerup on iBook. One quick trip to the Apple Support tech knowledge database and a poke to the reset button later, I'm back in business. WHEW...

Late arriving to Bloggerland today. Tired this morning, and totally histimine-reaction-ed out by this clueless cow on the bus wearing way the hell too much sickly sweet perfume. Bleah. Finally starting to feel human again.

Have felt really out of it the last few days. Not sure why. Kind of tired, hoping it won't turn into a real illness. And that I'll stop writing sentence fragments sometime soon.



Okay, I know now that my cat Arwen is really a space alien and that I'm glad she doesn't have opposable thumbs. I caught her, last night, WATCHING Powerpuff Girls with us. I mean, not just glancing at the screen occasionally or randomly. I'm talking eyes focused on the screen and watching. The picture's not so great but there's the proof, right there. :)

Oh, I may have neglected to mention that the rude bastard neighbours (the ones who liked to blast loud music out of their vehicles at 3am) appear to have moved out, or been kicked out. And there was much rejoicing.

With all else I have had to do, I find myself needing to take a break and do some painting. I have been enjoying painting award scrolls for my SCA group. The 'lower level' awards are simply photocopies (onto nice paper) and then individually hand painted using gouache (which, if memory serves, is a watercolor-like paint that has been opaqued with... white acrylic or white tempera, I can't remember exactly). There are several different master templates that are used to make the scrolls -- the creativity comes in painting them uniquely (or, at least, as uniquely as possible). Scrapbooking has been a boon to this kind of art, because now archival-quality papers, paints and even those gel-pens (which are also archival and very useful for doing detail work) are so much more readily available.

My point is, I did two of these this weekend. I was quite pleased with the results. One of these days I'll actually do a page for my SCA persona, and display examples of the scribal work I've done.

After a weekend of odds and ends around the house, let me tell you I am utterly unimpressed to be vertical at this time of the morning. Yesterday was a total wash, as I had a giant knot between my shoulderblades, a headache, and utterly no energy at all. I think what I needed was some sleep, and after that (last night) I feel better. But that makes it Monday. Feh.

Oh, heh, last night I checked a Powerball ticket I had purchased on Saturday. Imagine my surprise when the ticket checker siad "CONGRATULATIONS, PLEASE SEE RETAIL CLERK". For one brief shining moment, I had visions of multimillion dollar jackpots... We go up to the counter at WinCo (sometimes referred to as MartMart) and I hand her the ticket -- and am given my prize of three whole dollars. Well, at least the tickets paid for themselves.

Yesterday was a long day, but ultimately worth it. Looks like we'll be able to shave about $300 a month off of mortgage/insurance/taxes going out. And we didn't have to touch savings to do it, so it's almost like getting a $1600 gift. WHEE!!! Lots of other things still need to be untangled, but this was a big one and I'm glad it's on its way to being fixed.

Weather's still weird. Headache's still hanging out. Lucky me. :P

Looks like I've got some work to do... and it will be a busy afternoon all around. Feh...

is this just not enough…?

i feel

home
about me
portfolio
links
griffin & sabine
i wish i may

other journals

julie . mmf . fazia . katja . …parenthetically speaking . bluishorange . accidental julie . medea sin . today and… . mighty girl . loobylu . domesticat . abstract thoughts… . /usr/bin/girl/ . little-yellow-different . uncle willie

powered by blogger

tell me about it